


Shadowed Heart

by Synergetic_Prose



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Allura (Voltron)-centric, Angst and Drama, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bisexual Shiro (Voltron), Multi, Pan Allura, Post s7 au, ShallurAngst Week 2019, bi/pan Curtis, but it's gonna hurt until we get to the end, dark!allura, shallura primary focus
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-19
Updated: 2019-09-27
Packaged: 2020-10-21 15:38:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20695943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Synergetic_Prose/pseuds/Synergetic_Prose
Summary: Allura saves Luka by taking in the entity, but at what cost?





	1. Dusk/Twilight

The rain came at twilight.

Allura watched from the doorway in the back. Lance spoke of this phenomenon a couple times in the castleship. It looked relatively harmless. Altea had meteor rain. Very dangerous. So dangerous they had to build several particle barriers to protect the major cities. She looked to the right where one of the Garrison’s generators sat in disarray from Sendak’s attack. It needed repair just in case. Otherwise it was useless. Antiquated.

She clenched her hands.

People were running in.

She stepped aside to let them through. A couple came next sharing a coat. The lack of uniform told her they were civilians. But before coming in they took a moment to kiss. Their hands slacked on the coat. The rain fell harder and took advantage of their vulnerability. The coat fell. They yelled out as they fell victim to the downpour.

Yet they came in with smiles on their faces.

No one else was coming in. Allura shed her borrowed orange Garrison uniform, leaving her in the white tank top. She carelessly dropped it on the floor. She shed her boots next. Peeled off the socks.

She stepped out into the rain.

It was cold water coming down on her. Cold water she was stepping into. She went further out into the darkening yard. Her hands spread out to feel. She lifted her head up to the sky.

There was still only the cold.

Hot liquid spilled out of her tightly shut eyes. _How can Lance miss something like this? _She buried her face in her hands, felt her now bare forehead and wept. There was no comfort to be found out here. Inside was one of her people in a hospital bed after having been used as a living battery for a mecha of mass destruction. If she went out into space there was only war and the ruins of the Coalition.

Everywhere she looked marked her failure.

_Pidge had been right._ She was the princess of nothing…

She sank down to her knees. The rain was roaring now. She only knew she was sobbing because her body was struggling to breathe.

“-out there? Hey!” Someone slid down next to her. “_Princess_?”

She shook her head. “Don’t call me that,” she cried.

She felt him pick her up. She could just make out Shiro’s face in the rain though his silver hair was plastered against his head. She was too wretched to try to fight the hold. Instead she curled as much of herself against his chest. She was shivering without control. Some heat lingered on him despite the rain but soon that will fade away.

Nothing good lasted.

They were in the shelter of the hovercycle garage. To her surprise she wasn’t crying. He sat her down on a bench. She stared at the glow of his arm. _Ancients._ She didn’t like the design of his arm but materials were limited. His current arm looked more Galran than the one the druids gave him.

“Allura, where’s your shirt?” He looked down and his jaw dropped a little. “And your _shoes_? Crap, ‘Lura.” He started rubbing her arms. “You’re so cold. Hang on, let me find something to dry you off.”

She grabbed his hand. It was still warm. It was possible her mother’s crystal helped with that. 

“There’s no need.”

“You’re soaking wet. Of course you need - “

“As are you.” She took his other hand. “Relax a tick.”

The crystal in his arm hummed. She felt his hands warm up even more. Her hands slid up his forearms, biceps, then slid around his waist. He was so still, neither embracing her nor pulling away. It didn’t matter anymore. She stopped trying to read into what they were for there was nothing. He had someone on Earth the entire time and she had mistaken his kindness for something else.

It was her fault, not his. Everything that went wrong was -

“Allura?”

She was crying again. She buried her face into his shoulder as her loneliness only felt greater but she stubbornly held on. She wasn’t done drying him. She couldn’t let go yet. He laid his right hand on her lower back. _Not yet. Please._ Her fingers spread out as she slowly raised them up to his shoulder blades. She felt him sink lean into her more. She felt guilty by how much she liked the feel of him in her arms.

“That feels nice,” he quietly murmured.

Her hands moved to his shoulders then up into his hair. His eyes were closed. He looked peaceful as she ran her fingers through his hair all the way to the tip of his bangs. The glow in his arm dimmed back down. She was done…though she kept her hands on his shoulders. His eyes opened. She dropped her hands and stepped out of his space. She was cold again though dry.

“Well…that was a neat trick.”

He was trying to be civil but she wasn’t in the mood.

“Sorry for getting you wet.”

She walked away. He called her name but she did not respond. She was slightly disappointed to not hear his footsteps coming behind her. Once, he would have followed. Back when they first started, he would have - she shook her head.

_Stop that._

It was all in her mind anyways.


	2. Failed/Saved

Shiro could still feel her.

Her warm energy, her hands, her soft breath, the way she just fit in his arms so naturally like she belonged there - her tears seeping into his shoulder –

His heart ached for her, even now. Despite everything that’s happened. All that she’s given up for the sake of the universe, for Earth…for him. He brought his right arm up, the back of his hand in his view. The crystal softly glowed under the low lights of the Atlas’ bridge.

If only he’d been stronger.

If he had survived after fighting Zarkon, if he had woken up in Black’s consciousness much sooner so he could try to reach out to his team, if he hadn’t lost his damn arm in the first place – There were so many ways in which he failed Allura. 

“Captain?”

He turned back around to the doorway. Curtis was in uniform. He was not as formal. He had unbuttoned his uniform halfway down. If there was one thing he didn’t miss from the Garrison it was the stuffy uniforms.

Curtis’ eyes were not on his face. Shiro vaguely realized that the edges of some scars were probably visible. He rebuttoned his shirt. The action drew the comms chief’s attention back up. There was a faint flush on Curtis’ face. Shiro felt the corner of his lips twitch upwards and then back down.

“Morning officer.”

“Morning Shirogane.” Curtis walked closer but not to his station. “Is everything ok?”

He could lie. He’d done it before. He was excellent at it when he wanted to be. He had the Galra fooled that he was bloodthirsty so he could save Matt in the arena. He fooled his team into thinking he was calm and levelheaded when he had been up all night avoiding nameless terrors. He fooled himself every day he put on this uniform pretending to be a leader.

He ran a frustrated hand through his hair. “…No,” he tiredly breathed out.

Curtis’ hand rested on his shoulder. “Why don’t we sit over here?”

Shiro let himself be led to a chair. Curtis sat down patiently, let him gather himself as he tried finding words for his fears, his anxieties. He spilled out more than he thought he would. Curtis just listened through it all. Shiro’s heart beat faster. He could fool so many people but he couldn’t fool himself out of feeling.

He tried so many times…

The door slid open. He heard her soft “Oh.”

His head snapped to Allura but she was already walking back out.

“Allura –“

The door closed.

He bowed his head. His heart had no right to ache for her.

___________________

Her heart was beating fast.

Allura’s throat felt tight as she quickly walked out of the Atlas. It looked like they were just talking. Shiro could talk to whoever he wanted. But how close they sat, their bodies turned towards each other, Curtis’ hand on Shiro’s shoulder and Shiro’s demeanor so open like that –

She ducked down an abandoned hallway and leaned against the wall.

She knew she had no right to him. Never had his heart though he had hers without asking. But that had been given without asking so the pain was only hers and rightly so. She didn’t blame him at all for this ache. But she couldn’t deny how much it hurt. Her lungs, her heart, her very blood – everything inside was being _squeezed_ tightly until water leaked out of her eyes.

She clenched the fabric over her heart.

Alarms went off.

She gasped out of herself. Romelle’s voice sounded out through her earring comms.

_“Allura, Luka – she’s thrashing so much- Please-!“_

She wiped her eyes and ran. “I’m coming Romelle!”

She may not be a princess anymore but she was still a paladin. Thankfully she wasn’t that far away. Her senses were going off the closer she got to the hospital room of the mysterious Altean. Some guards were running to the room as well. Sam Holt was yelling something inside.

“Move aside!”

The soldiers let her through. As soon as she entered every single hair was standing on edge. Romelle and Sam were knocked out on the other side of the room. Luka had her hands up with dark energy built up in them. Her long red hair floated and her amber eyes – they were wide and wild with a frenzied energy. Allura quickly rolled out of the way, narrowly missing Luka’s attack.

“Stop this! We’re here to help.”

Luka sneered fiercely. “You? The so-called princess of Altea? I’ve heard about you,” she spat as she threw another bolt, “you _hid_ away for ten thousand years while Zarkon _hunted_ us. Coward. Traitor-!” She shot out two blasts. Allura hid behind the turned over hospital bed. “You cower even now! Only Lotor cared about us and you’ve killed him.”

“Stand down,” Allura’s breath was fast. “_Please_. I do not wish to hurt you.”

“Spineless,” Luka blasted the bed completely.

Allura dashed out of the way but did get hit by a part of the metal frame. She clenched her teeth as she touched her ribs. _Poor Allura, _whispered a memory, _all this power yet you still fear using it. _

“I’m not afraid,” she bit out.

She shot some quintessence at Luka’s legs. The Altean cried out but she kept firing.

“You should have shot to kill. That’s what it’ll take _princess_. Honerva’s army is stronger than you. She’ll bring back Altea, take back what we’ve lost. Just wait and see. I was just the beginning. Honerva will –“

Allura’s eyes widened as Luka gripped her chest.

“Luka?”

Luka’s eyes rolled back. Allura darted over as she hit the ground.

“Luka!”

The girl was thrashing uncontrollably then suddenly stopped. Allura quickly felt for a pulse. It was getting weaker by the tick. She had no medical experience. There wasn't anything she could do.

“Wait-“

Allura put her hands on her chest. She shivered hard. There was an unnatural darkness inside her, spreading fast and hard, invading every part –

“It’s killing you!...Perhaps I-”

Allura glowed as she concentrated. The darkness stilled then touched her hand. Allura flinched as if a needle had pricked her but the darkness was quick to follow her. It followed her hand and shot up her arm to go deep inside of her.

Allura gripped her throat as it choked her.

“Allura!”

She registered Romelle and Sam coming towards her before she blacked out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooohhh the angst!


	3. Black/Breathe

“Her vitals are steady,” Sam Holt murmured as he stared at Luka’s EKG machine.

“That’s a good sign,” Curtis added.

“Very good, considering what was happening with Luka earlier.”

“It’s been three quintants.” Romelle sat by the bed of her fellow colony Altean. “Allura nor Luka have yet to wake up.”

“It is strange,” Sam sighed. “Luka I’d understand but the princess - I’m not sure what to make of it. Coran either. He said he’s not seen anything like it.”

Romelle looked around. “Is Coran with Allura now?”

“Shirogane is,” Curtis answered. “But I ran into Coran on the way over. Said he was going to shoo the captain off to take a break.” He looked to the side in thought. “He’s barely left her side.”

Romelle tilted her head at that. “Why do you call him Shiro-gane?”

“That’s his complete family name.”

“You can just say Shiro,” Sam smiled. “Everyone else does.”

“I don’t – he’s _the_ captain.”

“Not all the time,” Romelle quipped.

Curtis felt flustered as Sam’s smile widened.

“I’m going to check on the bridge.”

* * *

Water continued to fall on Shiro’s form.

His head was bowed down as he stared at the liquid going down the drain. He lifted his left hand, saw how his skin was wrinkling from being in the shower for too long. Not for the first time he didn’t feel like this was his hand. It was in part due to the fact that he was in his clone’s body now but at this moment…

_“Fight,” Allura yelled out through the comms, “it cannot end here!”_

_The blast reflected back on her, making her scream in pain –_

He slammed his fist on the shower wall.

He almost lost her then. He leaned his forehead against the tile as he breathed hard. His eyes were stinging as he recalled coming into the wrecked hospital room, Allura lying on the floor with her face twisted in distress. They were lucky they were in the hospital wing already. It felt like an eternity before they got her breathing steady.

He could have lost her again.

Tears slid down his face along with the shower drops. Three times he had been powerless to do anything about it. The first time on the Galra ship, second time during the fight against Zarkon, third tie a few days ago. He opened his palm so he could cover his eyes. His breathing slowly calmed. He uncovered his eyes and straightened up.

He told her once he wasn’t leaving her.

He intended to keep that promise in whatever capacity he could offer.

* * *

Everything was dark.

Black. Even Allura’s thoughts. Nothing was coming into her or out of her mind. She was still, lifeless, like a burnt-out star pulsing emptiness. She stayed floating in this state forever, it felt like.

Until there was a touch along her forehead.

_Warmth._

She hadn’t realized how cold she was until she felt that touch.

“Come on Allura,” he whispered. “We need you.”

The faintest kiss brushed her temple, setting her consciousness alit. A sliver of hope beaconed in her heart. She suddenly wanted to see Shiro. She fought to lift her eyelids.

There was no one.

_You knew it was in your mind._

It was a phantom touch. A foolish girl’s longing. Tears collected in the corners of her eyes. Then the darkness pulsed inside her, stilling her tears.

_Weak sentiment._

That’s all that was. She had no use for that. She closed her eyes, breathed in deep, and then opened them completely. Coran was in the doorway now with a tray of food.

“Allura! You’re awake!”

“…Yes,” she slowly enunciated, “…I am.”


	4. Bittersweet/Unrequited

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a warning, Lance's crush on Allura is brought up and it's not very nice (I'm sooorrry).

“Are you sure princess?”

Allura calmly slipped off the bed. “It’s only a stroll Coran.”

“But at this hour-“

“I’m not a child.”

Coran lifted his brows at the tone. She delayed in her apology. He accepted it slowly. She slipped her shoes on but only bothered doing enough buttons on her borrowed uniform to be decent. Her hair shifted as she moved to the doorway.

“I can call you,” she shifted enough to let her earring show, “if something happens.”

If it weren’t for that he wouldn’t have relented. She slipped out quietly. Her feet barely made a sound as she walked.

_How insufferable._

She was his sovereign. Yet he dared to question her? He never tried to hold her father back even when he had those hideous lumps for two movements. Mother had complained but father and Coran had waved off her concerns with laughter.

“Allura?”

She turned around slowly. Lance came up behind her with his blue paladin pajamas.

_That color is mine._

She was the Blue Paladin now, not him. He was the Red Paladin, her father’s title. Lance was talking to her but only half of what he was saying was registering. It was frivolous nonsense. He was wagging his finger in her face, telling her to go back to bed.

_Who is he to dictate what I do?_

Lance frowned at her. “I’m just worried about you Allura.”

…She had said that last bit out loud. “I know you are.”

_I know you fancy me, long for me. I’m the prize you wish to have._

Lance gaped. “I-I don’t see you as a prize.”

She did it again.

She hadn’t meant to…Or had she?

“I saw, Lance.” She felt herself stand taller with her chin up. “The jealousy you held when Keith and I flew off in a pod alone. The way you tried warding off Matthew Holt from me within the first tick of meeting me.” Who was he, really, that he would think he could approach her like this. She was royalty. She had suitors before. Princesses, princes, kings – “Then Emperor Lotor –“

“I was concerned. Especially with Lotor. And look! I was right to doubt him.”

She let out mirthless laughter.

“Poor, naïve boy,” she leaned into his face, “Why would I ever choose you over an emperor?”

There were tears in his eyes. Something surfaced deep inside her, breaching up and out of her throat.

“Lance,” she softly gasped. “I-I’m sorry. I did not –“

He was hurrying away from her. She tried calling his name but he kept his head down. She kept following after him with a deep frown.

“Lance, _please_. I didn’t –“

She turned a corner, bumping into someone. Curtis quickly put his hands out to steady her.

“I got you.” Curtis turned his head to look behind him. “I just saw Lance run by. Did something happen?”

Her hands went up his chest. He turned back with wide eyes. He dropped his hands on her upper arms but she took a hold of his face. His jaw slacked as he stared at her pink slitted irises. She moved fast. He choked out a sound as her lips grazed his chin.

“Your skin is soft,” she murmured. “Does Shiro know?”

“W-Wha-“

_Do you know what his hair feels like? His skin, his lips…?_

“_Princess_.”

She ignored his scandalized tone. She must have said that part out loud. She kept cupping his face until he lightly, but firmly, took a hold of her wrists.

_Such a gentle, polite hold. _

Curtis moved her hands off with a slight flush. “Are you ok?”

A sharp bitterness entered her heart. _No._ Shiro wasn’t her Black Paladin anymore. Or ever was._ He belongs to Earth now because I was too weak to save him._

She walked away without having spoken that thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Housekeeping: I usually don't specify characters' sexualities (unless I feel I need to) and leave the interpretation to the readers but I guess some people don't understand that m/f and m/m/f relationships can be bi, pan, trans, queer, etc. 
> 
> So I had to specify in the tags. But please feel free to interpret as you wish. :)


	5. Nightmare/Phobia

Allura breathed heavily as she leaned on the wall.

Sweat was sliding down the sides of her face and weighing heavily on the curls along her temples. She didn’t feel in control of what she was doing, much less what she was saying. It was as if every deeply hidden thought was surfacing without restraint. _Did I really say that to Lance? _She raised shaky fingers to her lips. _Did I really kiss Curtis’ chin? _She covered her face in mortification.

“Am I awake?” she muttered. “Or is this a nightmare?”

_Is it a nightmare to be strong?_

“How was any of that strength?”

_To finally say what is on your mind, do the things that you are curious about – is that not strength? Is that not the right of any royal? Why should you withhold yourself amongst civilians?_

“That’s impulse. Not strength.”

_The strong are able to carry out their impulses._

“A tyrant,” Allura spat out. “I have no desire to be one.”

_It’s not about petty wishes and frivolous wants. It’s about being born into power. You have greatness in you. The White Lion accepted you. Voltron is tied to you. You revived the entire Balmera and came out alive._

“…I-”

_Why deny your nature?_

“That is –“

_Why betray what you were born to do?_

“…Which is what?”

Allura lifted her head up. Across from her was a narrow window. Her eyes were wide as she lifted a hand up to her face, to her now long and jagged pink cheek markings. Allura slowly stepped forward, her hand stretched out to touch the glass. Her reflection mimicked the move but her eyes were calm as she stared back then smiled with clear fangs.

_To rule._

She let out a startled gasp. Her reflection placed a large, elaborate crown on her head as a dark purple cape materialized around her shoulders. Gone were any traces of weakness from her face. Her blue eyes were sharp and steely, pupils so slitted the ends touched the rounded edges of her irises.

_We came all this way for a new castleship. The Atlas is there, waiting for my command._

“…Yes, we did travel to Earth for that.”

_And Earth will be the first planet in my empire._

A slow smile appeared on Allura’s face, then it cracked. “Empire…?” She gripped her head. “Alteans are diplomats. We do not conquer.”

_Do we not? We had colonies on other planets._

“They were trading posts.”

_That’s how an empire begins. _

“It was diplomacy!”

_Father’s council had been studying alternate methods for negating violence from hostile races._

“T-That wasn’t –“

_Like the other Altea? With an Empress Allura? Of course it was._

“No. It wasn’t! It wouldn’t have taken away free will! We only sought to -”

_Control the weak minded. _

“-maintain the peace! Fix the chemical imbalance in their minds!”

_There was peace in that other reality. And an Altea._

“…Altea is gone.”

_The old one is. _The reflection looked out the window. _But it can always be remade…_

Allura peered out the window to see Earth. Humans and Alteans were similar physiologically.

“Would their planet be similar as well?”

_Our planet._

“…Our-“

Allura took in a sharp breath. She was face to face with the reflection.

She screamed, punching her whole arm through the glass. It shattered entirely, even getting the panels next to get. And yet, the reflection remained before her.

She ran.


End file.
